- Miss McCracken, tell us... - It's not McCracken. It's Carol.
McCracken's something I just use for legal stuff.
Divorce papers, bankruptcy notice, that sort of thing.
And Carol is your maiden name?
No, my professional name. As in Christmas carol.
I manage the Deck the Halls store in Reseda,
spreading cheer throughout the year
with the widest assortment of Christmas decorations south of the North Pole.
Oh, and these are the spirits of Christmas.
Somebody have a little too much eggnog and crash the sleigh?
No, we don't drink and drive. We stroll and sing.
You're professional carolers.
We are all proud members of the Screen Actors' Guild, on honorary withdrawal.
Deck the Halls keeps us in bread pudding year round
so that we can give the gift of live music for free.
That's what we were trying to do before our trip to Venice.
- Oh, your group performed in Italy. - California.
There we were in our red hats and scarves, singing Winter Wonderland,
watching the sunset on the beach, when a tattooed man in blue approached
and advised us that we were in Crip territory.
Well, I happen to speak Crip,
so I told him, "Chill," we were friendlies.
But then five men in blue approached,
and asked if the red scarves meant that we were sent by the Bloods to diss them.
I said, "Fo shizzle, we were just spreading the word,"
and, "Please not get up in our grills. " And then I reached for my pitch pipe...
- They beat the crap outta you? - Maybe they weren't music lovers.
How did you escape unhurt?
I took their advice and hauled my cracker ass out of there.
Miss Carol, does your status at the Screen Actors' Guild
entitle you to accident insurance?
Oh, no. That's why we're here.
We saw a notice on the SAG bulletin board
for the Hetta Grubman Cosmetic Surgery Fund.
For all four surgeries?
In return for your services, we are prepared to render ours.
You wanna sing for your surgeries?
Not just sing, deck the halls. We will open our storeroom to you.
McNamara/Troy will be turned into a winter wonderland with live music,
courtesy of the spirits.
Mrs. Grubman did love Christmas.
Sean, really. What are we, five?
Oh, come on.
We've been doing Secret Santa since college. It's a holiday tradition.
So is mincemeat, whatever the hell that is.
Well, I think it's sweet. I mean, it's nice to have some sort of tradition.
Especially when you celebrate Christmas every year in a bathing suit and sun block.
Think of it as a challenge.
Finding something original and meaningful for under $10.
Good, so you wouldn't mind another "Pull My Finger" Santa.
Look, we haven't all been together on Christmas in a long time.
Maybe it is stupid, but I wanna do it, okay?
I wanna do the tree and the big turkey dinner.
If we can't take the time to celebrate being together as a family when we are,
we're gonna regret it when we're not.
All right, let's do it.
Now, if you get your own name, we throw them all back and we try again.
Yes, yes, yes.
Hello? How bad?
Um...
We're on our way.
Matt's in the hospital.
What? Jesus.
He's got second-degree burns over 30% of his body, mostly back and legs.
We had to wait for his vitals to stabilize in ER before transferring him over here.
Oh, honey, can you hear me? Everything's gonna be all right.
Hang in there, buddy. All right?
We'll need tangential extension, and later, grafting.
We'll do it.
Fine, we'll just prep him and check your privileges.
By God, I just don't understand how this could've happened.
Methamphetamine lab explosion.
Excuse me.
- Meth lab explosion? We thought he was clean.
And you didn't tell me?
He told us it was over, that he'd gotten help and had it under control.
He asked us to trust him, Julia.
We'll be back when we're finished.
He's lucky to be alive. We need to focus on that.
I'm angry at him, too, you know?
Hey. How are you feeling, sweetie?
The surgery went well.
We'll need to do some grafting.
We'll take some skin from your ass.
You know, the place where you keep your brains.
Thank you.
He said you were lucky. Said you could've been killed.
How could you do this to yourself? I just don't understand.
In the ambulance, I heard them.
They didn't think I was gonna make it.
All I could think about was Jenna, about leaving my baby.
- Don't give up on me, okay? - No one is giving up on you.
We're your family.
You'll be out in time for Christmas, and we'll all be together.
No, we won't. You're not invited.
Your promises are shit, Matt. I'm done saving your ass.
I'm done being sucked in by your lies, your pathetic cries for help.
You know what it's like to be a parent
peeling skin away from the body of your own child?
A child you delivered with your own hands? I'm through!
Don't worry. He'll come around.
I'll talk to him.
The bullet entered at a strange angle.
Whoever did this must've been up pretty close.
He was sitting on my lap.
Oh, so this was a lovers' quarrel.
What are you talking about?
It was a kid, nine or ten years old.
I'm sorry, I thought...
Look, I needed some extra cash last Christmas,
so I took a gig playing Santa.
Oh, merry Christmas there, Jacob.
I had a line a mile long.
The store was gonna close in a half-hour
and the minute he climbed those steps, I knew something was wrong.
Thinking back on it, it was like he was on a mission or something.
I asked him what he wanted for Christmas.
Same as last year. Don't you remember? Every Christmas I give you a list.
A Nintendo, an iPod, a digital camera.
And every time you tell me you'll get me that stuff if I'm good.
Yeah, right.
Being good doesn't get you anything, does it?
You lying sack of Christmas shit.
They shot Santa!
Did they catch the kid?
Yeah. But I didn't press charges.
I mean, the kid's had it tough enough. Why make it worse?
Well, that's very magnanimous of you, Mr. Collins.
I'm not sure many people would respond in quite that way.
We'd have to reopen the wound, clean the scarring and the damaged tissue,
and then create something called a Lindberg flap
which we'd rotate onto the enlarged hole.
I could schedule you for sometime after the...
I want it done now. I wanna be out in time to be Santa on Christmas Eve.
Look, Doc, I spent a year nervous around kids, you know?
It's like post-traumatic stress syndrome. I gotta get back on that reindeer.
And I like kids.
I don't wanna spend my life afraid of them, or have them afraid of me.
I talked to Sean about that.
He'll come around.
It just doesn't feel right, sneaking around.
Well, that's why we should tell him, just be honest about it.
I wanna wait till after the holidays.
You know, it's gonna be hard enough this year,
what with everything going on with Matt.
Please, it'd just be cruel.
What about Olivia? You have to tell her, too.
No, she has too much going on with Eden. I wanna wait till after the holidays, please.
It's important to me.
Shit!
Jesus!
I thought you said he was in surgery all afternoon.
Someone must have canceled.
Hello?
I am not getting in that closet.
Christian!
Christian?
What are you doing?
Just working out, man. I always do this after I masturbate.
Make sure I hit all the muscle groups.
I thought we'd go get a tree together.
I found this great organic tree farm down on 3rd.
They've got Douglas firs, and Colorado blue spruce.
Sean, Sean, Sean.
You can't expect me to work out in front of the mirror
and not wanna whack off again.
You're sick.
You go by yourself.
I could take all night. I need a lot of foreplay.
I'll wait. I'm not due back in surgery for a couple of hours.
Can I get you some water or something?
Get him out of here.
- I am not good at small, dark spaces. - Okay.
I feel like I'm in a sealed coffin.
Christian!
Are you done?
Oh, you go, man. I just wanna take a nap and cuddle.
- Oh, come on. Get up and let's go! - Oh, you go. I'm all snuggled up here.
It's pathetic picking out a tree by yourself.
We used to always do it together, the three of us, remember?
Yeah, I know, I know. That was 20 years ago.
Now we do things by ourselves, like tie our shoelaces and pick up trees.
Fine. I'll call Julia. See if she'll come.
Why is her phone here?
I don't know. I guess I must've picked it up by mistake
when we played Secret Santa.
All right, I'll go by myself. But if I hear one word about the size or shape...
I'm not one of your girlfriends, Sean.
That was fun. Let's never do that again.
- Have you seen my other shoe? - Uh... Yeah.
There you go.
- Where are you going? - Where I should've gone
instead of coming here. To talk to Kimber.
Sure you'll come out alive?
I don't know, but I have to try.
I mean, the fact is if I can avoid hurting Sean and Olivia, I will.
But I am not gonna have my son wake up
and feel that everyone in his life has deserted him.
You know what? I'm coming with you.
It takes at least two to tango with Kimber.
Preferably eight, one for each tentacle.
Go away! Bah, humbug!
Ebenezer Cruz, where's your Christmas spirit?
I love that our savior was born. I just hate the party we throw
and the music.
I mean, take a look at this guy, getting plugged by a ten-year-old
because he didn't get a Nintendo.
People go broke, they eat too much, spend it alone.
Oh, come on, Liz. After all these years,
do you still need an engraved invitation?
You're spending the day with us, just like you do every Christmas.
- You, too, Linda. - Can't. I'm golfing.
Oh, it won't be the same without you. We're having everybody over.
Julia's coming and Olivia.
I don't think I can make it either.
Are you still pissed about what happened with Julia?
I wish that I were a better person, Sean.
But maybe we both can learn a lesson in forgiveness from Santa.
So you think Duke here did the right thing by forgiving the kid who shot him.
That that punk's gonna suddenly see the light, go straight.
What movie are you living in? It's a Wonderful Life?
Should've pressed charges and locked that kid up
so no one else would wind up with a hole in their face.
It's about love, Sean. It's about grace.
Mr. McNamara? Are you asleep?
You have been asleep the last four times I've come to visit.
Five's my limit. I won't be back again.
Mr. McNamara, persons suffering disfigurement from a traumatic event
have to learn how to recreate themselves.
To adapt to new body images.
Look, look, lady, my dad's a plastic surgeon, okay?
I'm gonna be fine so try recreating someone else.
I don't usually force my services on unwilling patients.
The results are rarely successful.
However, after reading your medical history,
I think you are definitely in need of some re-creation.
You tested dirty for meth.
I'm Rachel Ben Natan, your burn rehabilitation counselor.
I'm here to assist you.
How did it happen?
It was a falafel attack.
You know those pita sandwiches?
I just had to have one, so I went to the university cafeteria.
I sat down across the table from a very handsome boy.
I was quite beautiful. I could always get anyone I wanted.
When he turned away, I just assumed he was gay
and went back to my falafel.
I was just about to take the first bite when he blew himself up.
Seven students died.
There was blood and body parts and pieces of flesh everywhere.
I don't know how I survived. I was very lucky.
You think you're lucky?
Well, I've lost my taste for falafel but I still have my life.
Have you walked the hallways today?
No. It still hurts.
It'll hurt more if you don't.
- What if I say no? - Try it and see.
I should warn you, though, I spent two years in the Israeli army.
Okay.
And merry Christmas to the biggest dick in town.
Keep it up, Danny boy.
How about that, huh?
All right, get on with your business. More envelopes later.
So who's the over-40 crowd?
No one, just some ghost from Christmas past. Shh...
Could you stay close? 'Cause I might need you.
Merry Christmas, Julia. Would you like to hold baby Jenna?
- Yeah, may I? - No. You may not.
Emily, will you take Jenna to day care?
Oh, so I take it you two are Matty's parents.
I promise you that your granddaughter will get everything that money can buy.
Great. So she can grow up to be just like her mommy.
Oh, I don't think we should hope for miracles, do you?
Wouldn't wanna pressure the child.
Ram's gonna marry me.
And then he's gonna legally adopt Jenna once we both get divorced.
Well, that's why we came, Kimber.
Because we thought you'd like to know Matt's had an accident.
He's in the hospital, and he's been badly burned.
Making meth, right? Well, thank God Jenna was with me.
You're not fit to be near that child, Kimber, and you know it.
Oh, what, and you're a good mother? Why, because you went to college?
Or was it because you've never had to work a day in your life?
Because I was busy raising a family.
Yeah, you were lousy at it.
You robbed him of everything, Kimber. His identity, his money, his future.
You're not gonna rob him of his child.
Don't you think that the little girl's
gonna be a little bit better off with Kimber and me
rather than some punk who's willing to be filmed taking it up the ass
so he could score a little bit more booyah?
That's my son, you dick-sucking pimp.
Didn't you guys know that Matt worked here?
Oh, yeah, Ram cast him in First-Time Fairies
as a bottom.
- That's the one that... - Stop it, Kimber. You're lying.
That's the only thing she's good at, except for spreading her legs.
Yeah. Well, my daughter's going to have everything.
She's gonna have designer clothes, gourmet food,
and two parents who love her.
I mean, what's Matt gonna give her? Drugs?
So stop trying to rescue my child when you can't save your own.
Could you please escort these two grandparents out of here?
Hey!
Merry Christmas.
Hi, Julia.
I made some fruitcake. It's a recipe from one of my mom's exes.
She was a real bitch, but a dynamite pastry chef.
Oh, at least there was something you liked about her.
I made it for you. As a sort of a peace offering.
You want peace, Eden?
It's gonna take a lot more than a fruitcake after what you've done.
You have every reason to hate me, Julia.
My being with Sean was inexcusable. Some sort of acting out, I guess.
I really should be back in therapy. My anger towards you.
I feel terrible about the way I behaved.
Look, you love my mom.
My mom loves you.
I've never had a real family. Maybe this could be one.
I used to love fruitcake when I was a girl.
It's so fattening.
One bite won't hurt.
What are you doing for Christmas?
Nothing, really. Probably just go to the movies or something.
I know Mom's gonna be with you. It's okay.
Why don't you join us?
That's really kind of you, Julia.
But I don't think Sean would appreciate my being there.
Well, I don't know. You know, might help him forgive and move on.
I'd love to come.
It's delicious.
This is what I remember about fruitcake.
Once you start, it's hard to stop.
Well, I'll save the rest for later. You can have it whenever you want.
Mom doesn't really like it anyway, so it's all yours.
Just a few more steps, Mr. McNamara.
- Are all Israeli women this... - Pushy? Yes, it's genetic.
At ease, soldier.
- So how long did you train for? - Not long.
Women are not really expected to fight. Thank God.
Didn't you wanna defend your country?
What I wanted was to find a husband.
All those handsome, hard bodies in uniform.
Tanned and sex-starved from the desert.
So after the army you went to university to study psychology.
No, to find a husband.
Hey, Matty.
Um, is this a bad time?
We were just finishing.
Rest up, tomorrow we are going to do twice around the floor.
No, Rachel, stay, please.
Guys, this is Rachel Ben Natan, my counselor and torturer.
This is my mother, Julia McNamara. And one of my fathers, Christian Troy.
- Matty has two daddies. - Oh.
- Nice to meet you. - How nice for you.
Yeah, it's big fun.
- We've been to see Kimber. - How's Jenna? Is she all right?
Kimber wants to keep Jenna, Matt.
I just need some time with her to talk and show her I've changed.
Apparently she's filing for divorce,
she's getting married to Ram,
and they have a pretty good case against you ever getting custody.
No, I'm gonna fight for her. She belongs with me.
Do you really think that you are capable of taking care of a child?
She can't wait for you to grow up.
That's nice. First Dad, now you. Anyone else wanna throw in the towel?
Matty, come on. Do you really think that any judge in his right mind
would give you custody? Seriously.
What is the matter with you people?
Matt, listen to me. You want your child back?
Either find a way or make a way.
And stop looking to your parents to rescue you.
I'll be right back.
Oh. Mmm.
Are you okay?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed with everything that's been going on.
- Excuse me, miss. - I'm not going to apologize.
- I meant every word I said. - What is that, tough love?
Honesty. Try it.
Look, I'm a plastic surgeon.
I know you don't make much as a burn counselor.
I'd be happy to offer my services for free.
Why, is there something you think I should have done?
Well, since honesty is the word of the day,
we could do a series of skin grafts. I could restructure your bone line.
You could make me beautiful again.
Thank you, Doctor, but no.
You might find this hard to believe, but I'm quite happy as I am.
A martyr?
A survivor. A living example of what people can go through and survive.
- What's the matter? You all right? - Yeah.
You look a little pale.
Oh, just... I'm probably getting the bug that's going around.
Here they are.
Sure?
Can't believe I found them. What's going on?
What? Oh, nothing, I just... I must have gotten up too quickly.
Are those pictures of freshman year?
Christmas Eve before and after the tree caught fire.
Oh, you guys go ahead and laugh.
You didn't suffer property damage.
All right? Those Penthouse magazines were vintage.
- Irreplaceable! - Oh. Oh, boo hoo.
- Okay, thank you. Oh, boo hoo.
Hello?
Yeah. Yeah, well, we were just gonna do our Secret Santa thing.
Okay, well, I could meet you later.
Okay, yeah.
You, too. Bye.
That was Olivia. We're having dinner later.
I see you got your phone back.
What?
Oh, yeah. God, I've been leaving things all over the place lately.
So who's gonna go first?
I will.
Although I don't know if we can top last year's "I love my dick" picture frame.
That was good, huh?
Thank you, Santa.
Okay. Green paper, my favorite.
"McNamara/Troy. Put your tits in our hands. "
Ha, ha. - I thought that worked
for 80% of our clients.
Yeah, it doesn't get better than that, does it?
My turn.
Edible undies. Hilarious.
- Dessert for Olivia. Very funny. - Oh, I have another one.
Hey, you're not supposed to go over, remember?
- Hey, you know... - You make us look cheap.
Oh, they're beautiful.
It's not like they're expensive or anything. It's just... I don't know.
I saw them, I thought they'd look good on her, and I got them.
I thought they'd look good with your... With your eyes.
Thank you, Christian. You shouldn't have.
You guys are screwing each other.
Sean, I just bought her some earrings.
The phone, the touching...
- Am I stupid? - Nobody's stupid. You shouldn't...
What? Take it personally? That... Let it bother me?
"She's not my wife anymore, who gives a shit?"
- How long? - Sean, I'm sorry. It just happened.
When were you gonna tell me? Huh?
Christmas Day? New Year's?
You just wanted me to catch you in the act
when I came home early by mistake.
You were there that day. When the phone...
What'd you do, hide under the bed?
In the closet.
Jesus.
Sean, you know, I am sorry and we wanted to tell you,
but I just wanted to wait till after the holidays.
Right, right.
Were you going to sit me and Oli down
and give us the good news at the same time?
Oh, what the hell's the difference?
I mean, seriously.
Look, I know it's difficult, but you're not together now anyway.
It's not like we're cheating on you.
You're such a clueless piece of shit!
We love each other, Sean.
You left early this morning.
I didn't figure there was any point in staying in bed if I wasn't sleeping.
I'll say one thing for leaving the house before 5:00.
There's no traffic.
Look, we've been through enough over the years to split us apart and then some.
But somehow, we always end up back together.
I can't imagine anything in the world that could change that,
except maybe Julia.
So I won't see her if it means that much to you.
Oh, come on. It's not like you're Mr. Celibate pining away waiting for her.
Why didn't you just go to New York and sleep with her there?
Or did you have to follow me out here
and do it under my nose
because that's the only way you could really get off?
We're not doing it to cause you any pain.
All right? We're doing it to see if finally it feels right.
But...
I won't do it without your blessing.
I don't know if I can give it to you.
Give you my blessing.
I just don't know.
It looks good, Doc.
Now I can look at my face without seeing that kid or the gun.
Well, Santa, you're a better man than I am.
Then you must be one hell of a scumbag.
Excuse me, I'm in a private consultation with a patient.
Go on, tell him. Don't be afraid. Just say it.
I'm sorry, Daddy.
I'm sorry I shot you.
You did it, honey. You turned the other cheek.
Honey, go wait in the lobby. I'll be out in a second.
- Your son is the one who shot you? - It's a long story, Doc.
- How'd you find me, Nancy? - I followed the money. Like I always do.
I went to get back payment from the court account
and they said that some ex parte motion had been granted
for some emergency surgery.
It's not your money, Duke. It's his.
You should've been straight with us before the surgery. I want you out. Now.
Oh, come on, man.
The little bastard shoots me and she comes after me for child support.
I am still waiting for that apology, Duke.
"I'm sorry, Son, for abandoning you, for giving up on you,
"for pretending like you don't even exist. "
Not now. Go away!
You put that gun in his hand, and you cocked it.
All he had to do was pull the trigger.
Like this.
- You need a hand with that? - No. I got two good ones of my own.
I came to ask you to come home, spend Christmas with your family.
Thanks. It's okay, I made plans.
You know, when my dad left, I thought I knew how to deal with it.
He wrote me off, I'd write him off, son of a bitch.
I thought I had it pretty under control.
The hurt, and the loneliness, and the anger.
I'm just replaying it by doing to you what he did to me.
- Look, Dad, I don't hope... - He couldn't help it.
He couldn't be different with me, because of how his father was with him.
We're just passing the same shit on and on and on and I just want it...
I want it to stop.
Here.
What's this?
Something that he left me before he left me.
He said it was a box for me to put my dreams in.
I just figured it was useless.
The only dream I had was seeing him again.
But I have another one.
For you to forgive me.
I don't wanna give up on you, Matt.
I don't want you to give up on me.
You keep this. This is for your dreams.
I gotta find my own.
And all I know right now is, is that I'm never gonna be a man or a decent father
until I stop being your child.
I'd still love for you to spend Christmas with me. With us.
Be around people who love you.
I'm spending it with Rachel.
If I can't be with Jenna on Christmas,
I figure spending it with Rachel and her kids
might take the sting out a little, you know?
She's got kids?
Twenty-four of them. All in the pediatric burn unit.
It was good seeing you, Dad. Merry Christmas.
I'm glad you reconsidered.
- Matt coming? - No. Maybe next Christmas.
Okay. Now, do you feel like a holiday martini?
- Yeah. - It's like an everyday martini,
just with a lot more vodka.
Hey, thank you for coming.
It wouldn't be the same without you. I know how hard this must be for you.
Not being here would be even harder.
Here we go.
Cheers.
English - SDH